I apologize that I haven’t written in a long time. I haven’t wanted to write… There isn’t really much new news. I am settled into daily routines and found a church with great people that I enjoy being able to fellowship with. So, life seems to have a lot of normalcy to it. The other reason that I haven’t written is that when I stop to write. It is hard not to think about The Cost.
This is the title of a song by Rend Collective. As I have written before, I hadn’t really counted the entire cost. I didn’t know what it would be like to make a new life for myself over here in Kenya. I didn’t know about the vast amount of good and bad experiences that would come along the way. I really like this entire song. However, this verse “I do not need safety as much as I need You. You’re dangerous but Lord, You’re beautiful.”
The cost pales in comparison to the gain. I am able to gain love, life, freedom, and grace. Yes, it does cost a lot. I’m pretty sure that I won’t really ever know the full extent of the things that it has cost me. No, it is not always easy. But it is worth it still. It cost me a lot to take this step and move to Kenya. However, I have gained so much more.
Even though I know that I have gained so much more than it has cost me. I still don’t like to think on the things that it has cost me. It is hard to face those losses. I would rather think about what I have gained. I would rather rejoice than to grieve. It seems that you can’t know joy without knowing sorrow. You can’t know peace without knowing turmoil. You can’t know grace without knowing judgment. If I don’t think about these things then I don’t feel the grief, sorrow , turmoil, or judgment as much. In order for me to write about these things, I first must think about them. I don’t like thinking about them because they become more real. Generally, after writing I am able to experience joy, peace, and grace. However, going through the process of writing isn’t fun, it isn’t easy, it costs a lot.